Tag Archives: vitality

The Road to OZ

Standard
The Road to OZ

It’s been 2.5 years since I last sat down and gave attention to this blog.  Since I gave attention to the writing I love so dearly and the tool in which I most effectively process life’s shifting landscape.   The tool that allows me to bring connection to my circles.

In these 2.5 years, I have been wrestling with purpose, passion, values, self-worth, belief, and a loud inner critic that has invited me to play small.  I bought in to the lies of that critic.  The lies that it doesn’t matter if I write my stories.  It doesn’t matter if I share those stories.  It doesn’t matter if I stop bringing you in to my world.  It doesn’t matter if I live in alignment with my integrity and values system.  It doesn’t matter if I shave off a little edge of my authenticity to help people digest my life’s journey.  I bought in to the lie that in order to stay safe, to survive, I had to shed a part of me that others may not appreciate.  I chose silence.  I chose complacency.  I chose to don the masks.

At the beginning of 2017 (my 40th birthday), I began to tame that nasty inner critic.  I got clear on my values. I stepped back in to alignment.  I started creating visions of all that I wanted to manifest and I threw caution to the wind taking a trust fall straight in to the arms of the loving Universe.  I had Absolute clarity that it was time to quit playing small and it was time to step in to my power.

So it turns out that it DOES matter if I share my stories.  It matters to me.  And when I flow from that place of alignment, that place of listening, my stories stir something in others because we are all connected.  We are all taking this life journey together.  My story is your story or the story of someone you know.   I hope my sharings will inspire, push boundaries, cause you to listen to your universal nudges, step in to alignment with yourself and your 2017-07-13 07.56.57values, take risks, spark imagination, and if nothing else, help you to connect to the world around you.  Sitting here, at my desk in the Costa Rican Rainforest (more on that to come!), letting the words spill out of me, I have this elation.   I’m semi-giddy with excitement.  I’m hopeful the story munchkins will forgive my 2.5 year denial of their existence and visit me often going forward.   I’m fully committed to honoring the words whispered to me in the night, and on my runs, and any time they smack me upside the head singing in their munchkin voices, “This world you are experiencing is just SO magnificent.  Share the wonderment! Follow the yellow brick road.”

This blog will continue to cover a vast array of topics that will include family adventures, travel, living in Costa Rica, nature-inspired learnings, and general sharings of something that lights me up or makes me go hmmmm.  I will continue to spill the thoughts of living a freethinking, open-spirited family life.  I will have a secondary wordpress blog at SoGoodSoPure (coming very soon!) that will cover topics related to my Coaching Business.  There you will find topics geared toward women who are wanting to shed shame, learn vulnerability, find their authentic voice, step in to their unique power, and begin sharing their gifts with the world.  Both blogs will continue to be intimate and sometimes raw in their content.  Not all stories are happy stories but that does not lessen their need to be shared.  Life is messy and in the messy is where we feel most alone. Sharing our stories can be the catalyst of connection and ease our loneliness.  This is what I seek to do.  I fully believe that a life unmasked, a life untidy, is a life worth living. And the more we show up authentically in this big big world the more the world will heal.

That said, it weighed heavily on me as to whether or not I should go through and deleteyellowbrickroad the old posts in this blog as some are controversial, some are angry, and some are misplaced, and some I no longer identify with.  I concluded that those blogs are the bricks that paved my yellow brick road.  The stories, releases, perspectives, and feelings were necessary and are NOT meant to be erased in order to appease an audience of readers.  If you aren’t a fan of the journey I traveled to be where I am today, no problem.  Maybe instead, appreciate that the journey brought you the content you are reading today.  These new sharings of my life experiences/observances are the next yellow bricks in what is certain to be a lifetime of brick laying because I’m not certain one ever reaches OZ.

Journey On, Readers.   Journey On.

Advertisements

The Cliff is Calling

Standard
Smith Rock

Smith Rock

Nature has a way of providing me a deep stillness that allows me to know myself.  The self that is often lost in chaos.  In nature I am able to reach meditative states in which there is no question as to the next step.   Nature continues to be my healer.

I have a daily meditation practice and that practice provides me a way to remain centered, calm, and non-reactive but it has yet to allow me to hear the answers of my heart.  When my heart (self) is screaming I can sometimes hear it but not yet trust it.  Most days the heart is lost behind emotions, overthinking, processing, fear.  With daily meditation I manage to break open a little space so the heart is not so tightly caged.  Imprisoned.

And then there are meditations that are unlike all the others.  Last week I experienced one similar to the last mediation I had in nature on March 14th.  March 14th was the first time I experienced a true awakening.  A full peace and knowing.  Nothing but space.  There is no way to explain this feeling unless one has experienced it and to experience it again was truly a gift.  I immediately journaled after and wanted to share the gift given to me.

May 24, 2014:

Today I woke up after spending the night in a small, rocky crevice in a sleeping bag next to my lover under a sky fully lit by countless stars.  The past2143_1-610x407 above us.  The now grounded with us.  The future yet to come.  I stepped to the edge of the rocky precipice where we had slept and silently observed the forward movement of time.  The stars no longer visible but still there.  Outshone by our star.  Our life source….the Sun.  I sat across from magnificent rock cliffs and watched as hawks would land on ledges hundreds and hundreds of feet above the ground.  I would lose sight of them and not be able to find them until they once again took flight.  Had I not seen them land I would have no awareness that life was happening right in front of me.  At my feet sat a busy little chipmunk and two large prairie dogs.  The prairie dogs as curious about me as I was them.  A baby bunny, chased by its mother, scurried by.  In the river below me, geese lazily rode the current downstream, fish occasionally took exuberant jumps above the water to catch a small glimpse of the world above, a river otter playfully swam between rocks and deer gracefully walked across the river, the sounds of their crossing carried on the breeze to my ears.  Birds, all types of gorgeous birds, fluttered by while serenading me in song.  Dazzling me with their colorful wings.  High above the river in a towering pine sat an eagle family.  A mama.  A papa.  And two eaglets.  Each one powerful and majestic.  One parent would take flight soaring higher and higher. A few minutes later the other eagle would call out in a high pitch tone signaling the time to return.  Immediately upon return the other eagle would take flight.  Back and forth this sharing of responsibility and freedom.  The eaglets expanding and stretching their newborn wings.  Reaching them toward the warmth of the morning sun from the comfort of their nest.  Their home.

I closed my eyes and dropped in.  I dropped  in so deeply, the space becomes me.  I become the space.  I breathe in and there is nothing but room.  My heart is not screaming.  It’s whispering.  It tells me it’s been whispering all along.  I have been too full of chatter, noise, and opposition to hear it.  It says to me,

Now is the time.   Listen and know thyself.

I literally started chuckling that my heart used the words “know thyself”.  I questioned why it would speak to me in some KJV of my childhood.  A momentary distraction.

I breathe in.
I breathe out.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.

It’s time, Amy. It’s time to let go.  Time to stop fighting.  Time to take the next step forward.  Only you need to understand why you are choosing to leap.  Only you.  As scary as it is to jump from that cliff, you have heard me and know leaping is your highest self.

Ahhhhhhhhh.  I know this to be Truth.  A release of tears.  No more tension.  Only space.

If I crash and burn on this leap, I will burn knowing that I took the risk and my heart and I, we know how to heal.

Running
Running
Running to the Cliff’s Edge
Leaping
Spreading my Wings
Soaring like the Mighty Eagle Before Me
My Heart
The Wind that Carries Me
I have Listened
I am Free