Tag Archives: funny things kids say

He Said What?!?

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He Said What?!?

We were out mountain biking with some friends and J decided he needed to say something to my girlfriend, E.

J:  Can I give you a compliment?  
E:  Sure.
J:  You might want to know that you’re a chatterbox and talk alot.  
E:  Um.  Thanks.  Not sure that was a compliment.

On the way home, I wanted to clarify exactly what J had meant.

Me:  J, what do you think compliment means?
J:  It means you tell somebody something about themselves that they might not know and they need to know.  
Me:  Ah.  A compliment is actually saying something kind about someone.  
J:  Oops.
Me:  What were you trying to tell E? 
J:  That she talks too much.  I thought she might want to know.  I’m just not used to girls and how much they talk and I thought she should know.  I wasn’t trying to be mean but I wasn’t trying to compliment her either.  I guess I was informing.
Me:  Next time, shoot for the compliment.  

Lucky for me, E is super cool and I love that she’s a “chatterbox”.  


S:  Mom, I kind of like the word dick.  
Me:  Oh yeah, why is that?
S:  It just sounds cool.
Me:  I kind of like that word too.  
S:  If we like it, why can’t we just use it?  It sounds better than penis.  
Me:  People consider it to be vulgar.  It’s simply kinder in our society to limit our use of that word.  
S:  I guess that makes sense.  I just wish penis was vulgar and dick was kind.  


We were taking a family walk to the grocery store and I was really irritated and grouchy and kind of walking fast and angrily in front of the family.  And then G runs up to me and takes my hand…

G:  Mom, are you sad because you’re the only vagina? 

I cracked a smile at that unexpected question.

G:  I mean, if you look at our family there are 5 penises.  Well 6 if you count Decker’s (our dog).  6 penises and 1 vagina.  I’d be sad if I was the only vagina.  Actually you’re the only boobs too.  Wow, that’s sad.  
Me:  I don’t think I’m sad because I’m the only vagina and boobs.  But maybe I am because I was being grouchy at all the chaos and noise you boys (daddy included) make.  Thanks for noticing my sadness, G.  I love you.

Less than 12 hours later, I started my period.  That sent me in to a fit of laughter.  The accuracy of being the sad vagina in the family.


P:  Mom, no offense but your tummy is kind of fat.  
Me:  Oh, P, that hurt my feelings a little bit.  

P reaches over and gives me a big hug and his I’m sorry eyes.

P:  Well, maybe not fat.  It just looks like you’re growing another baby.


This is the boys’ favorite joke right now.  Enjoy.

After I say my line you say Ketchup and Rubber Buns.

Me:  What did you eat for breakfast?
You:  Ketchup and Rubber Buns.
Me:  What did you eat for lunch?
You:  Ketchup and Rubber Buns.
Me:  What did you eat for dinner?
You:  Ketchup and Rubber Buns.
Me:  What do you do when an old lady passes you on the street?
You:  Ketchup and Rubber Buns.  

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He Said What?!?

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The boys and I are visiting Tucson.  It’s the first time they’ve been back here since we moved almost 2 years ago.  Needless to say, there have been lots of conversations and these are some of the more humorous ones.

As the plane was landing in Tucson, I could hear people laughing in the row in front of two of my boys so I tuned in to what my boys were saying to cause this laughter.

S (age 8):  Ewwwww….Tucson is so ugly.  It’s just brown.  
G (age 7):  It is ugly.  Yuck.  I don’t remember it being so ugly.
S:  Yeah, why does any one want to live in a land full of this much dirt.  Tucson is a dirt city.
G:  And, it looks like it is hot.  Brown hotness.  Yuck

 

On the car ride from the airport to Grandma’s house:

J (age 11):  Can you take us to see our first home?
P (age 8):  I’m pretty sure I’m looking at my first home.  I’m pretty sure my first home was Mama.  

 

Heard in the back row as I was driving:

G’ma:  When I’m old I might do that.
S: But you’re already old!

 

The boys and I were watching Ace Ventura when a sex scene came on the screen:

Boys:  What are they doing?
Me:  They’re having sex.
Boys:  Really?!!!?  
Tons of giggles and yucks
G (age 7): G stands up frustrated, pulls down his pants and points to his erect penis:
This is what  happens to me every time someone talks about sex or I see it!  
Me:  That’s normal, G, and it’ll probably happen for the rest of your life.  
G:  Grunts and goes back to watching the movie.  

My youngest has an issue with dogs wanting to dominate him.  He makes friends with dogs and then suddenly they are humping him.  Some are even aggressive and pull him down to the ground from a standing position.  I swear he must have some canine pheromones running through his system or something.  As usual, G made friends with my brother’s dog and a few days later she was constantly harassing him by humping him.

G:  Mocha, you want to have sex with me so bad.  (With sad resignation in his voice) Fine, I’ll just have sex with you.  

 

He Said What?!?

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S (age 7):  Mom, Truth or Dare?                                                                                                                                      Me: Truth                                                                                                                                                                                      S: Have you ever kissed a girl?                                                                                                                                               Me: Wow!  I was not expecting that question.                                                                                                                    S: Well, have you?                                                                                                                                                                      Me: No.                                                                                                                                                                                         S: Why not?                                                                                                                                                                                 Me:  I like boys.  But if I liked girls then I’d kiss a girl.                                                                                                     S: Truth or Dare?                                                                                                                                                                        Me: Truth                                                                                                                                                                                      S: You can’t always say truth!                                                                                                             Me: Okay.  Dare.                                                                                                                                                                         S:  Stick your finger in that fan.                                                                                                                                           Me: Yeah, no thanks.                                                                                                                                                               S: You’re no fun at this game.  I’m gonna play with someone fun.  Hey, P, Truth or Dare?

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IMG_0001S: Mom, last night when I was awake a big booger bubble came out of my nose!  It was so big and juicy that I pulled it out and ate it.  

Me: I’m not sure how to respond to that, S.

S:  Well I can tell you that it was big and chewy and tasted like candy.      

Me: Nice.  Thanks for sharing, I guess.  

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G was playing teeball last week when being his typical no-filter self he managed to make a scene for hisIMG_1128 entire run around the bases.  He hits the ball and runs to first base.  First base was being played by a classmate of his who is male and was wearing pink and blue shoes.  This boys also has very long blonde hair and by all appearances could pass as female.  Gibs arrives at first base and recognizes his classmate and then begins yelling to the spectators,

Hey everyone, attention please!  This is not a girl!  It’s totally a boy.  Not.  A.  Girl.  First base is a boy.  I know he looks like a girl but he’s not!

He then runs to second base and continues to inform all the players on the field in his loudest voice,

First base is totally not a girl.  Can you believe it?  He’s just a boy that looks like a girl.

And this continued for two more plays leaving me a beat red mama.  Note to self: must work on G’s filter and ability to be tactful.

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J had to fill out a questionnaire for the bio that would follow his yearbook picture (4th grade).

Question: Do you play an instrument?  If so, what?  

J’s Answer:  Yes.  The ArmPit fart.  LOL.