I am in the process of dying. It’s a slow, agonizing death. One in which ego dies first but ego is fighting to remain. It is not weak and it battles. Each moment I have to consciously slay the beast that has defined me. It arrives challenging me to lose this moment. It threatens me with stories of the future. It weighs me down with a past that I cannot change. Ego belittles me with destructive thoughts about me. About the one I love. It taunts me with the lies that I’ll never be good enough. It whispers to me in its seductive voice, “you’ll never be good enough. Be better. Be more.” It steals The Now. At times, I give it freedom and I allow Ego to distract me from The Now because my present is too painful to sit in. Fantasies of future and memories of past are more comfortable than present. But even those distractions do not remain for long because Ego destroys any peace. It does not like to co-exist.
What Ego does not realize is that I am in control. I am dying and Ego is dying with me. I have taken a mirror as my weapon. A breath. An inhale.
I breathe in. I see Ego reflecting back at me. I am aware. Ego slithers away from awareness, retracting back in to the shadows.
I breathe out.
I am me. Present. Pain. Capable. Empowered. Aware. Goddess.