The boys love to wrestle with our 12-year-old male dog. Lately Decker (the dog) has been wrestling G (age 7) to the ground and then proceeds to hump him. G laughs and laughs because he thinks it’s so funny that Decker loves to wrestle with him. He has no idea that he’s being dominated and played by the dog. Recently we were watching a National Geographic special about the reproductive life of cats and dogs. In the film, they show a male dog mounting a female dog and explain the nature of what was happening. All the boys are laughing hysterically and then…
G: Oh. My. God. Ummmmm that’s what Decker does to me! Oh. My. God. Decker has been trying to have sex with me. Oh. My. God.
Me: Ding ding ding!!!!
G: Oh. My. God.
Tonight, Decker grabbed ahold of G, pulled him to the ground and proceeded to hump him. To which G responds with,
Decker, stop trying to put your seeds in me! I am not a girl dog!
S (age 7) and I were walking to the car after school and I asked him about his day. Here’s the conversation:
Me: How was your day? Anything exciting?
S: No, just something sad.
Me: What happened that made you feel sad?
S: M has cancer.
Me: What?!? Oh my goodness, that’s heartbreaking. I’m going to have to call his mom and see how they are doing. Such sad news. I didn’t even know he had been feeling sick.
S: No, actually he’s doing okay, mom. He came to school today with his head shaved. He’s okay, though, because there was only one.
Me. So they only have one left to fight?
S: No, shaving his head made it better. But there’s more sad news. A has cancer too. He had his head shaved last night because he had more than one.
Me: Wait, what? Are you just joking with me? It’s nearly impossible that A and M would both have cancer. So they both shaved their heads?
S: Yes, because they were sick with cancer.
(Lightbulb about recent email from teacher)
Me: S, do A and M have lice?
S: Yes! Yes! Lice, not cancer. I got those confused because they both shave their heads to get better.
Me: Those are very different things, lice and cancer. One is life threatening and one is just annoying. So glad your friends just have lice. You didn’t share anything with them today did you? Lice is very contagious.
S: Hope I don’t have to shave my head!
Me: Me too, S. Me too. But I’ll say that I’m super happy to shave your head if it means you only have lice and the rest of you is healthy.
A few jokes that the boys have been making up around the dinner table:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was eggcited to get to the other side
Why did the spider cross the road?
To get closer to his website.
Why did the tornado cry?
Because he got a tornado owie.
Ba dum dum ching