He Said What?!?


There’s no better stories than the ones straight out of a child’s mouth.  J (age 10), P (age 7), S (age 7), and G (age 7)


S:  Mom, today some kids were teasing a kid in class during circle time.

Me:  What were they teasing the kid for?  

S:  He didn’t know who Jesus was so they whispered…”X doesn’t know who Jesus is.  Pass it on.”  

Me:  Do you know who Jesus is?

S:  Ummmm, yeah!  Isn’t he god’s son?  The son who died in a war.  

Me:  He is claimed to be god’s son but he died on a cross.  

S:  Really?  What’s a cross?  

J:  It’s that thing right there that looks like a ‘t’ on top of that church.  They nailed him to it.

S:  What the heck?!?  That’s gross.  

J:  I know.  But people believe he didn’t feel the pain and he hung there for a long time and then he went to heaven to live forever.  

S:  Ummm…that makes no sense.  So Jesus was a zombie?  

J:  Yeah, I guess so.  Jesus is a a zombie.  


While talking to J about a few things I needed him to finish before he could play minecraft he looked at me and just gave me the evil eye.  Eyes half closed with daggers shooting out of them.

Me:  J, I don’t need you to glare at me when I’m speaking to you.

J:  I’m not glaring at you.  I have Asian eyes and Asians have glaring eyes.  I know that’s hard for you to understand since you’re not Asian but I’m not glaring…just Asian.  

Me:  (Stifling laughter)  Wow!  I am thoroughly impressed with the way you tried to wiggle out of that one but there is no question that you are glaring at me even if you are glaring at me with Asian eyes!


Speaking to his eye therapist (we’ll call her C)

J:  Wow!  Your nails are long!

C:  It’s very rare for me to have long nails.  They only grow once in a blue moon.

J:  What’s a blue moon?  

C:  I believe it’s when there are two full moons in a single month but you should go home and google it.  

J:  Oh, never mind!  I know what blue moon is…it’s one of my dad’s favorite beers.  


While playing family cranium:

Cranium Question:  Who is best known for saying, “It’s not easy being green.”?   A.  Frankenstein  B.  Kermit the Frog  C.  Shrek

P:  Oh, I totally know this!  I’ve been learning about this in school.

S:  Okay, P, you say who you think it is because I have no idea.   

P:  It’s definitely A.  Definitely Albert Einstein.  

Me:  Do you mean, Frankenstein?  

P:  Nope.  Definitely Einstein.  He’s famous.

Me:  So sorry.  Wrong answer.  The answer is B.  Kermit the Frog.  Albert Einstein is a famous inventor.  We’ll talk about Frankenstein and his monster in the future.  


Car ride conversations are the best!

J:  Mom, have you ever thought about the name Helen?  

Me:  Thought about the name Helen in what sense?  

J:  You know…that Helen is a name that is a mix of heaven and hell.  

Me:  Totally have never thought about that.

J:  I have.  I’ve thought that when a Helen dies, god probably gets all confused and is like ‘ I don’t know if I should send this person to heaven or hell.  Now what do I do?’

Me:  So god decides if we go to heaven or hell depending on our name?  Shoot.  

J:  No.  I don’t think there is heaven or hell but thought it would be funny.

Me:  Totally funny.  

J:  Or, a person could die and god could not know whether that person earned heaven or hell so He just says, ‘ummm…don’t know what to do with you.  You’re going to Helen.’  

Tons of laughter in the car…

P:  Mom, J just said hell.  He said a grown-up word!  

S:  I want to go to Helen.  Some good.  Some bad.  

Laughter again

Me:  Hey, how about this one…  What the Helen?!?

Finished our ride in a Helenuva lot of laughter 🙂







2 responses »

  1. Oh, I have to add one. During the last presidential election I was driving somewhere listening to NPR, and the person following Mitt Romney’s campaign was discussing with some professor Romney’s religion and how Mormon beliefs are similar and different from other forms of Christianity. Also, my (Kindergarten aged) son had just watched Percy Jackson with his older aunt and uncles who were obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology at the time.

    I under-estimate how carefully my son is listening to the radio.

    Son: Mom! They said that Jesus’ father was God, and his mother was the human Mary.

    Me: Yes, that is what people believe.

    Son: Jesus is a demigod!!


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