He Said What?!? (Shower Talks)


We went camping over the weekend and in the spirit of not being shower hogs at the state park, we buddied up and showered together.  I haven’t showered with the boys in a long time so needless to say I heard some great things!

My shower with P:

P: Mom, breasts are funny.

Me: They are?  Why?

P: They look like ice cream cones.  There’s the cone and then the round round part looks like a scoop of  vanilla ice  cream and then the red nipple is the cherry on top.

Me: It’s definitely the cherry on top.

P: Huh?

Me: I meant I can see exactly what you are saying.  Breasts are kinda funny.

Getting dressed after shower:

P: What are those things you are putting on  your arms?

Me: They’re called arm sleeves.  They keep my arms warm.

P: I know why they don’t go all the way up.  Can I say why?

Me: Of course.  Why?

P: Because your shoulders are kind of fat.

Me:  That’s an interesting conclusion.  I’ve never been told that my shoulders are fat.  You are the very first person to say that.

P:  Sorry.  I guess I should’ve just said your shoulders are the F word then it would still be a secret that your shoulders are fat.

Me:  It’s okay, P.  I appreciate your honesty and you were nice about it.

P:  Mom, I can tell you all the bad words you shouldn’t say.  There’s the Sh word: Shut up.  The F word is fat.  The L word is liar.  The St word is stupid.  The I word is idiot.  The D word is Dumb.  The M word is maniac but the Br word is a good one.  Every time I say “he called me a brainiac”, you say “that’s awesome.”  So it’s a good one.

Me:  Awesome stuff to know.  You sure know a lot of words you shouldn’t say.

P:  Well, yeah, my brothers and I say them sometimes.

Me:  Yeah, we all say bad words sometimes.

Shower with G (about 3 minutes in to my turn):

G:  Mom, I need to get out of this room!  Your girl parts are starting to creep me out.

Me:  My girl parts aren’t creepy.

G:  Yeah, they totally are creepy.  Weird and creepy.  Hurry up and finish.

Me:  Just close your eyes if they’re so creepy.

G:  Oh, good idea.  I’ll close my eyes and face the wall.

Me:  Good plan.  And next time you can shower with dad.

G:  Okay.


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