I like the diversity of opinions that facebook offers. I like being challenged. I like having the freedom to post my thoughts. I like the encouragement I receive in private from individuals who are still in hiding with their disbelief or questioning. I like knowing that I can be the voice of reason for those who are afraid to speak up. I like knowing that I have a voice.
But I hate feeling like I still need to hide part of myself. I hate feeling that I’m not allowed to comment. I hate feeling that if I say anything negative about christianity I’ll be labeled as hateful, as an attacker, as intolerant. And no matter how strong of an effort I make to be civil and kind with my words I hate that it’s not enough. I hate that no matter how lovely of a woman I am some are still unable to see past the fact that what I am fighting against may actually deserve the fight. And through it all I still hate being unfriended.
I’d like to say that unfriending in FB land doesn’t hurt but it does…just a smidge. Just enough to feel like a small kick in the gut. Because of my views, which many of you would like to silence, I have lost relationships with family and friends. It’s been made clear that I’m entitled to my crazy views but I’m not entitled to talk about them or question yours. Yet by some entitlement you are allowed free reign on what you are allowed to say to me.
What I’m slowly beginning to realize is that these people are part of my growth process. I’ve grown from the numerous attacks masked as love. I’ve learned that the masking love technique is not genuine and it borders on manipulation.
I’ve learned that when I don’t conform to what those family members and friends ask of me and when I can’t see life through their lense they run for the hills and then throw the blame at me for not having god in my life.
I was raised in a bubble of christianity and many of those people think that because they were owners of that bubble it gives them rights to my “soul” and my being. It doesn’t! That bubble burst long ago and is nothing more than a space of my past and one that I choose to move forward from. Your job as owner and facilitator of that bubble is finished.
I’ve learned that no matter how vastly different our world views are you do not deserve to be bullied or demeaned as a human being and neither do I! But we all deserve to be challenged. That is the only place that growth can arrive otherwise we will forever remain stagnant with arrogance and ego taking their ugly hold.
So while part of me sat discouraged and questioning why I choose to use my voice rather than sit silently like they’ve demanded I know that I must be true to myself and only myself.
Therefore today I choose to keep moving forward. To keep asking the questions. To keep fighting for those who are oppressed. To keep being a voice of reason.
This is me. Take it or leave it. I promise not to take offense because today I’m just a little bit stronger.