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Oh I’m having a bitter day.
For some reason last night I dreamt in FB format.  Negative after negative comment was read to me in FB speak.  Comments that stemmed from Mark and myself claiming atheism and “attacking” christianity.  They were the comments that people fed us to get us back to christianity or to make us feel guilty or to make us understand just how good christians are.

“I’m so sad for your boys.  They will never know joy without Jesus”
“You are so angry and hateful”
“You need prayer”
“I’m disgusted by the person you’ve become but I’m praying for you”
“Be quiet!”
“Shut up!”
“Stop persecuting”

“You never were a christian”
“You are not worthy of heaven”
“You are a sociopathic idiot”
“You’re damaged.  Only God can fix you”
“Unlike you I have real peace.  The peace that only Jesus can give.”
“My kids love God.  I’m sorry for your boys.”
“I have the Truth and don’t need to read anything you post.”
“I feel sorry for you.”
“You clearly have a large sin in your life that you want to continue and can’t continue if you have a relationship with God”

yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada

Watch out here I go!
Yeah you’re such a great christian that you’ve been hiding that affair from your wife/husband.
You, you, and you are hiding your use of porn from your wives.
You are an adult man attracted to teenage girls.
You’ve been a closet alcoholic.
You are a racist and homophobe.
You almost left your husband for a laughable reason.
You hide your smoking.
You have an angry side to you that’s so scary that I actually hope you remain single.
You are the most two-faced person I have ever met.  I could fill up pages with your crazies.
You lie so much it’s hard to know what’s truth anymore.
You have a warrant out for your arrest.
You call yourself a christian yet you have no christian morals when it comes to sex before marriage, drugs, and alcohol.
You have family members that are truly questioning christianity but have to hide it from you for fear of judgement.
You’ve never even read the Bible you so desperately try to live by.
You have secrets that you’ve held on to for 20 years because you think they are too sinful to admit.

I’m actually proud of myself that I haven’t stooped to such low blows in real life but in my dream I got to finally spill all the dirty secrets and it was slightly liberating.
Yeah, yeah I know elevating my goodness-without-god while exposing the ‘I’m so good with Christ’ frauds is not the healthiest idea but in dreamland all is fair and blissful.  Just wish the bitterness that followed would leave me alone today.

Being a christian seems to me a kettle full of hypocrisy.  But you wouldn’t know that looking in because these people are wearing masks trying to make themselves look as holy and christian as possible.  Don’t they realize that this Jesus they believe in can see it all?  There are no secrets.

Leaving religion has provided me the freedom to stop playing games.  I don’t have any persona I need to present to others.  Nobody that I need to convert.  In fact I accept all of these flawed people who are hiding their “sins” from others.  I accept that they are human, afraid, and ashamed.  Some are probably even oblivious to the webs they’ve weaved.  We are human and we are all deeply flawed.  Hell, I’m too critical.  I expect too much.  I’m horrible at showing affection.  I have a hard time saying I love you.  I eat too much.  I’m a perfectionist.  I can’t remember names.  I don’t like other people’s kids.  I like internet shopping too much.  Ask me anything.  I have nothing to hide.

It’s the lying, the hiding, and the need for conformity that bothers me.   The christian community would be much more convincing if there wasn’t so much deceit hiding behind the curtain of judgement.


About ThinkingWithVitality

Wife, Mama, Certified Wellness Life Coach, Certified Vet Tech, adoption and special needs advocate, adventure seeker, wannabe vegetarian, freethinker, knowledge hunter, secular humanist. Love writing, distance running, cycling, hiking, photography, nature, essential oils, natural medicine, traveling, RVs and tents, reading, adventures, organizing, authentic living, good beer, acoustic music and happy to have landed in Costa Rica for this moment in time.

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