Give me a job. Any job.


I sat thinking today that I might be able to get hired anywhere I please.  I have clearly qualified myself with hands on experience.  So below is my list of jobs I might just be experienced enough to take on.

Nanny:  With four boys I think this one needs no explanation.

Police Officer: Example of how diaper changing goes down: Speaking to the three two year old boys: “Line ’em up.  Spread ’em.  Do any of you have something in your pants that I should be aware of?  Tell me now.  Oh My!  You should’ve warned me about that.  Let’s clean it up. ”
I also have experience in weeding out the lies, finding evidence, maintaining the peace, controlling traffic and defending myself.

Actress: I die and raise from the dead daily.  I have been shot, kung fu panda’d, beamed from aliens and received the kiss of death.  I have played parts of alien, train conductor, tractor driver, grocery store clerk, magician, big bad monster, big bad wold, a baby, a dog, a doctor, and many other characters.
Oh and I can play the part of sympathetic mom and my boys really believe me.  It’s Oscar worthy.

Plumber: I have experience unclogging terrible things from the toilets and drains.

Artist: Experience in face painting, finger painting, coloring and holiday decorating.

Doctor: I have diagnosed, medicated, bandaged, and magically kissed away a number of illnesses and injuries.

Maid: From floor to ceilings I have cleaned it.

HazMat Crew: Have you peaked in my trash can?

Exterminator: Everything from scorpions, centipedes and pack rats have sadly been exterminated by my hands.

Stylist: Now I wouldn’t hire me for this but I have cut the boys’ hair and the dog’s.  One of the five was successful.

Cook: Three meals and two snacks a day.

Photographer: See albums and videos.

Personal Shopper: I happily purchase all items needed for 5 men, 1 woman, 7 pets, and one lovely home.

Call Girl: I have been married to Mark for 14 years.  For all who know him no further explanation is needed.

Life Coach: Funny to follow Call Girl with Life Coach.  I volunteer with my boys, teach them about giving and instill morals daily.

Chauffeur: I can get you anywhere and almost always on time. Clean driving record.  I just don’t promise a clean car.

Engineer:  Have you seen the three story train track I have built?  Or the robots?  Or the recycled clubhouse?

Nature Guide: My favorite.  I lead long walks while pointing out wildlife, tracks, wildlife waste, plants and anything else of interest.  I also lead star gazing tours.

I’m sure the list could go on and on but I actually am wearing myself out writing it.  So I will leave this exhaustive list of qualifications and job of author to tend to my other jobs.

Amy also a mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, athlete and aspiring naptaker.


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